You are not there.

If we were together, on weekends I would prepare you a marvelous breakfast with so many delicious things you wouldn’t be able to eat it all. I would prepare it while you lay on the sofa watching cartoons – because you always wake up earlier than me and, even when I try, the best I can is to wake up at the same time as you do – and, you would hear me singing in the kitchen as I cook. I would fix up a beautiful table at the garden when it is hot and sunny and, in the winter I would take it to bed. And then we would go to church together. It would be so refreshing to go to church holding hands, knowing that we both understand (with our hearts) what is so important to both of us…

If we were together I would try to accompany you in as many as possible trips, because you travel too much and we would miss each other too much if you went alone all the times. Besides, that’s work but with me there it would be so much more fun. While you were in meetings and paying visits to clients and partners, I would walk the city and find a charming and cozy coffee shop where I could settle for some days and work too – I would write. I would finally write for real. And the characters of my stories would be the witnesses of our adventures. At the end of the day, I would give your tired shoulders a good massage and then we could dine and drink. We would drink wine. Man, we would drink so much wine! And we would take home the corks as souvenir, we’d fill huge beautiful glass jars with them…

If we were together, when you were to travel without me I would fill up your bags with little surprises as kind notes inside your pants pockets or some candy. I would send you funny videos saying that the dog and I were missing you. Or maybe I would send you a picture of a pink Victoria Secret’s little bag.

If we were together, it would be great to miss home – knowing we both think about the same place for “home”. We would come for the Christmas holiday and we would have that long lunch with your father, your sister and her husband. You would spend the whole afternoon talking to them about business, politics, church, music… She and I would be happily talking about the poetry of that Iranian movie or fixing a day to go to a concert of a “poor band that does not even has a drummer”. We would play games at night and drink and eat all that marvelous things your father always seem to be preparing. Then, we we would go to the beach to see your mom. She is all about the simplicity of life…! I always loved that. It would be sweet to listen to you too talking; I would let her spoil you while I walk by the sea shore. Days of kisses with taste of salt and coconut water.

If we were together so much would make sense… But you are not real, you are not here, you are not there. You are a phantom; you are present by your absence in the present, in the future, in the past.

[Edward Hopper]